The Journey to Recovery
by Blood Ice Dragon Slayer
Summary: At the private university known as Fairytail, Gray goes on the path to recovery after making a life-changing mistake. Natsu and the rest of their friends help Gray to recover and move forward and find a life worth living. TW: Unhealthy coping techniques and mental illness. Natsu/Gray in an established relationship. Fairytail does not belong to me. OOC Characters. Normal College AU.


**AN: There are several triggers that need to be warned about in this fic. The main one being self-harm and suicidal attempts. This story is based around the experience and the recovery of something I went through and I have turned it into a story to help myself cope. Thank you!**

(All in Gray's POV)

I sat in my room. Alone. The small orb-shaped light flickered on and off. I could only stare at it. The small lamp could barely work anything making me toss my exhausted legs off the bed and my feet landed on the ground. I picked up the small lamp and smashed it to pieces against the deep blue wall of my bedroom. Small bits of glass had embedded into the drywall but I didn't care enough.

Finally, an excuse to never be able to use the damn thing again.

There was now only the complete darkness. I was left standing in the gently, light rays of moonlight. Alone, as I always would be. The small and fading white scars that lined my wrists and thighs in peace were once again reopened, red, raw and _relieved_. The best part was that they were bigger than ever before.

I was finally going to gain my wish and be free. Freed from this infested and deadly world. Freed from these toxic and intrusive people. Freed from myself and all the voices that screamed at me every waking second. Yes. That is what I want, what I truly want. Is to die.

My knees gave out as the blood loss was taking its final toll on me. I collapsed hard against the ground and didn't care when I felt my knees hit the dresser or when my head hit a bedpost. I didn't care about that because _this is finally it_! It hits me that this is it as I laid on the ground with my blood surely soaking into the cracks of the wooden floor under me…

 _I can finally be happy_.

I could see just enough out my window at the raging full moon in the sky but was unable to focus clearly at the beautiful sight. The light fell through the window and bounced off the glass shards there were still protruding from the wall and casting small reflections of the moon around the room. My mind blurred and my thoughts changed making the beds of moonlight look more like fairy lights dancing around.

I looked around the room and followed the dancing fairy lights around the wall and saw the multiple framed pictures from over the years. One of the fairy lights stopped dancing and focused on a single picture. Though blurred, I could make out the smeared colors of orange, pink and blue and smiled to myself as my eyes slipped closed.

The picture was of my beloved boyfriend and I after a difficult and terrifying mission. We had retreated to the beach and sat together all day and cried into each other about how we thought the other was going to die.

I smiled at the memory, knowing that the pictured, to anyone else, looked like two lovebirds cuddling happily in the sand as the sun had set. We were, but when the picture was taken, we were sobbing and comforting each other and relishing in the fact that we were both alive then.

 _The irony_ , I thought as I felt as if my body was floating.

Thank you, for everything. Natsu. I love you.

* * *

"Gray!" a faint voice screamed from the distance. "Gray! No! Wake up my love, please!"

That voice was all too familiar and shouldn't be _here_. They were alive and I was dead, right? Right… It wasn't them! It had to be- _must_ be someone else!

"Gray! Please! Gray!" It's loud.

It's _annoying_. Make it stop.

"Gray! You can't do this! Please!" They said again. Why was this voice making me feel so sad and guilty and afraid? "Gray! GRAY!"

More importantly… why did I feel so- happy? This is wrong...

* * *

I groaned in pain as my eyes struggled to adjust the light around me. It seemed to burn and I tried to quickly turn away from the unnecessary source of deadly light. It wasn't flickering but was an oddly-colored mix of orange and yellow. The sudden burning feeling was back and I whimpered as my body slowly registered the pain making me squeeze my eyes tightly closed.

No. It wasn't my eyes hurting this time but instead, it was my body? No… It was more specific. My torso… my arms… my _wrists_.

Memories came flashing back making in whimper at an intense headache I finally registered. I was suddenly fully awake and aware of every smell and sight and feeling around me at that moment. It all burned and hurt but I still couldn't tell why... Why did they burn? Looking down and what shut has been a bloody and torn mess were very fine stitch marks along each cut. There were done carefully and with careful consideration of the veins beneath and what looked like a clear liquid poured over every inch from the elbow down.

"What the _actual_ _fucking hell_ were you thinking!" A voice growled darkly with nothing but pure anger towards me. I couldn't focus on anything farther than a foot away as I tried to back away. The figure seemed to be reaching out towards me

What-... Who is this familiar voice?

"I should be taking you to the school infirmary." He insisted. I protested, throwing tired, lazy and poorly aimed punches at the strange figure that loomed over him.

"No. I jus' wanna die 'ere..." I mumbled weakly as I felt a calming and very warm hand rest on my cheek. They began to rub small circles and Gray inhaled sharply as the colors finally set in around him. The brilliant yet soft pink mop of hair on the person in front of him was the last person he ever wanted to find here. "Why save-?"

I could finish the sentence as I collapsed forward into the warm and strong arms that held me upright. Maybe it was okay if I didn't die… at least not _right now_.

"I would never let the person I love to do that. Especially to themselves."

 _Love?_ Why does this person love me? How could they love me? I'm broken and depressed and anxious. Absolutely everyone hates me, I know it! Even my own god damned family hates me. _I hate me_ …

Natsu probably hates me...

 **(** _TBC_ **)**


End file.
